Inaudible Melody

Innovation

2009-09-03T21:30:00.003+08:00

Have been made aware of a couple of innovative ideas that have applications in disaster relief and international development.
The first one is the Peepoo Bag that converts human waste into fertilizer! Something like this could have significant impact in developing areas around the world.
The other one comes from the TED website, big fan of TED! It is a water filtration bottle, lifesaver bottle, that seems so simple but could potentially save many lives. Also could have application in the outdoors, another passion of mine.

finding home

2009-06-01T17:53:00.001+08:00

riding home through scarlet skies

legs ache.
heart beats.
air sucked.
peddles pumped.

grey clouds haunt me from behind
crimson clouds hypnotize my mind in front
and planet earth is new to me this night.

i feel flight as i soar down mountains
i feel ache as I burn up hills.

my fight and flight become one
as thunder rolls up my back
and lighting falls like rain.

adrenaline swims through me as body reaches for home

one drop
five drops
the heavens open and I am drenched

water touches my skin and drips through my gasping lips

my skin is freezing
my core is burning

air sucked
air found
I am alive.

eckhart tolle from A New Earth

2009-03-14T14:13:00.001+09:00

'if two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float of in opposite directions. Then they each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times, thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap there wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened.

If the ducks had a human mind, it would keep the fight alive by thinking, by story-making. This would probably be the ducks story: “I don't believe what he just did. He came to within five inches of me. He thinks he owns this pond. He has no consideration for my private space. I'll never trust him again. Next time he'll try something else just to annoy me. I'm sure he's plotting something already. But I'm not going to stand for this. I'll teach him a lesson he won't forget.” And on and on the mind spins its tales, still thinking and talking about it days, months or years later. As far as the body is concerned, the fight is still continuing, and the energy it generates in response to all those thoughts is emotions, which in turn generates more thinking. This becomes the emotional thinking of the ego. You can see how problematic the duck's life would become if it had a human mind. But this is how most humans live all the time. No situation or event is ever really finished. The mind and mind-made 'me and my story' keep it going."

ransom

2009-02-20T17:47:00.003+09:00

blood cell
a separate and self contained entity
the delivery animal
the pack horse

they race around our body
nourish, serve, sustain.
pillars of life we did not respect
and assumed their prize relinquished

we simply thought they would always continue
if a thought at all
immortal slaves to our
busy lives

deliver surrender continue
never ceasing to rest
pushed on pushed forward
pushed through our life veins

but what if one should halt
his precious cargo spilled
trapped somewhere on the way

a little faint
no muscle strength
and then her speech was gone..

beast of burden I now know you for
you hold my life at ransom
and my breath is held in fear and wonder
until you reach your end.

daughter

2009-01-08T12:46:00.002+09:00

day by day they become her
atom and molecule transform
orange into eyes
meat into muscle
each one making it journey from the soil to her soul.

we share breakfast from the yogurt pot
some for mummy some for baby
and now yogurt sleeps in both our tummies
waiting to become human.

her skin stretches into space
she breathes the air that has flown around the world
and drinks the water that has been ocean, rain and river

she eats the chicken that ate
the lettuce that ate the sunlight

and every one of her atoms pulsating
with immaculate energy and power
barely contained within Physic's laws,
gently hum to the silent rhythm of life - tuned into the Divine frequency
that only in silence we hear.

2008-11-03T14:27:00.000+09:00

i think i have come to the end of words.

for the last few years i have wrestled with them, redefined them, cross referenced them and argued them.

me brain, ever searching, was in disequilibrium and i fought to find balance. to reconcile the inconsistencies, make sense of the disparities, to find a new framework in which to rest.

it has been quite a journey, perhaps even a Road Less Travelled. i have been scared, lonely, held, persistent and confused. words and sentences have flown around my head seeking categories -fiction ? non-fiction? important insignificant? logical? biblical? Christlike? fundamental? the hunger for Truth ever present, ever pulling me forward.

but i seem to have come to the end of the road of words. i am more committed than ever to spiritual growth and having touched the taste of Love it is my only hunger. i just feel like God doesn't really care how i classify my sentences. He doesn't really care how i label Him.

to describe the indescribable?
to name the unnameable?
to label the divine?

what was i thinking??

charlie

the shed is dead.

2008-06-07T17:33:00.004+08:00

just smashed down a shed with a sledge hammer. fabulous. if i have any reason to be angry at you, don't worry. you're off the hook. i have just taken every last drop of negative energy out on that shed.

'i can hear her...'

2008-05-27T11:47:00.003+08:00

went to the "Global Leadership Convention" run by World Vision for primary school students yesterday with 4 kids from school. they were quickly thrust into a simulation of the life of a child labourer in a match stick factory in India. they were told they owed they employer 170 rupees and they had to pay back their debt by making perfect little match boxes with exactly 20 matches in each. they were told the rules in loud unfriendly terms, "you must pay back you're debt. if you need a break to go to the toilet, more debt will be added. if you need food, more debt will be added. if you make a mistake, more debt will be added. if you injure yourself, more debt will be added. no talking. no mistakes. Get to work. NOW."

then the factory 'bosses' walked around acting mean and yelling at the kids for the next two hours. one kid who's match box was rejected for being a bit wonkie ended up crying on the stairs.

it was brilliant. i had tears in my eyes myself at one point. after the simulation they showed the australian students videos of real kids in india who are child labourers. it made australian school work look pretty damn fun. World Vision then promoted the 40 Hour Famine as a solution to this problem (which gave the primary school kids i was with some well needed emotional resolution).

I genuinely hope the four kids we took went to sleep feeling they can solve the world's injustice by fasting from furniture for 40 hours and selling off some pre-primary portraits. i, of course am not so lucky, and spent the evening wondering how the heck i was ever going to sleep again with images of Ragu's big brown indian eyes flashing through my head which rested snugly on my new eqyptian cotton pillow case while he was digging up coal with his skinny bear fingers.

i turned to my new book that mum got me from the library, 'Fighting the Banana Wars and other Fairtrade Battles'. found this quote by indian activist, Arundhati Roy.

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day i can hear her breathing."

made me feel better.

2008-04-30T16:00:00.001+08:00

hung out with one of my best buddies in the whole world yesterday. it was so nourishing.

to love and to be loved
to know and to be known
to sparkle and to be seen
to glow and to be hugged...

that was yesterday
i love you jenna x

2008-04-14T14:48:00.000+08:00

2008-04-14T14:04:00.000+08:00

book

2008-04-12T19:59:00.004+08:00

finished memory keeper's daughter. (the fiction beat the non-fiction :). the book is about a doctor who secretly gives away his down syndrome daughter at birth and tells his wife she died. the nurse, who was in love with the doctor, can't bring herself to leave the little girl at the scary, gray institution and decides to keep her as her own. the nurse has to constantly fight for her 'daughter' to get a decent education and medical care. there is one scene which will never leave me where she takes her daughter into hospital after being stung by a bee (the girl's allergic) and she is essentially asked if she would just rather let nature take is course and let her daughter die than give her treatment (my blood boiled). gave me some good insights into a not so pleasant attitude from the 60's and 70's towards the mentally 'retarded'. helped me understand the little glimpses i see of this disappearing world view.

sleepy

2008-03-29T20:29:00.000+09:00

Tired, her eyelids sway up and down like tiny tides. The magpies carol. Open. Mummy breathes. Close. A dog barks. Open. She rolls over. Close. The fan swirls. Open. Snuggle into mummy. Close. She drinks deeply. I'm not sure where I finish and she begins. Her hands glide like star fish on my skin. Silky skin on skin. And finally the caroling magpies, the distant barking dog and the swirling fan move into one lullaby and Danika falls asleep.

currently reading...

2008-03-25T12:25:00.003+09:00

irresistible revolution by shane claireborne and the memory keeper's daughter by kim edwards. both brilliant (so far, only half way through).

i have decided to read more fiction. i love reading because it keeps my brain active and makes me feel smart (compared to TV which makes me feel dumb) but reading to much non-fiction gives me all these logical arguments and prepositions which reinforce what i already believe (even when i disagree with the author, i still become more clear of my argument) and i'm not sure i want to be all that certain of my logical arguments and prepositions.

good novels give me a sense of awe, mystery, empathy and compassion. these things are more important to me than clarity of mind.

hospital visit

2008-03-17T22:00:00.001+09:00

danika just had her first visit to hospital...because her daddy sliced his finger on the lawn mower and needed stitches. she didn't like it much. neither did daddy.

2008-02-23T17:14:00.000+09:00

i have three homes;

my body
my house
my planet

2008-02-14T20:53:00.001+09:00

danika stumbled her first few steps tonight. she thinks she's the cleverest thing in the whole world.

2008-02-11T20:50:00.000+09:00

Grandad's memorial today. sad. healthy sad. there was a photo of Grandad and Grandma cutting their wedding cake. Grandma's wedding dress was made out off fabric from 'coupons' and a lace curtain. she looked beautiful. she is beautiful. she started life as an orphan and ends it as a widow.

2008-01-28T17:47:00.000+09:00

my grandad died last night. he was 80.

sheila kitzinger

2008-01-07T12:39:00.000+09:00

"When she becomes a mother, it is as if a woman must go deep into the bowels of the earth, back to the elemental emotions and the power which makes life possible, losing herself in the darkness. She is like Eurydice int the Underworld. She is pulled away from a world of choices, plans and schedules, where time is kept, spaces cleared, commitments made, and goals attained to the warm chaos of love, confusion, longing, anger, self-surrender and intense pleasure that mothering entails."

2007

2007-12-31T21:35:00.001+09:00

new years eve
sitting at home, having a quiet one.

somehow the most significant year of our life so far doesn't need a big night out to mark it's end.

i watched darkness fall on 2007 from danika's bedroom as she fell asleep in my arms. i never new Life could be so deeply satisfying.

God Bless for 2008
Love charlotte x

2007-12-16T08:26:00.000+09:00

danika is on the move.

blooming

2007-12-07T20:43:00.001+09:00

our parenting style is slowly unfolding, and it has an uncanny nack of revealing what we truly value. our hidden assumptions slowly come into the light. our fundamental beliefs about Christ, the bible and Truth are slowly exposed.

before Danika was born we were invited to do a parenting course.... "we did it and our kids are so compliant and well mannered."

'compliant'? 'well mannered'? slight cringe noticed somewhere inside myself. there's nothing wrong with those two things per say, they're just not exactly the two adjectives i would use to advertise a parenting course.

i guess when i imagine what i want for dani's life those two are not that high up on the list... they are on the list, but just not that high up.

so what words would i pick to advertise a parenting course??? courage? passion? empathy?

i can feel my perception of Christ influencing this. The Christ of our imaginations are always all of our favourite qualities rolled into one, one man, one symbol.

i imagine jesus to be this brave dare devil, who is absolutely gorgeous and kind and loving but didn't give a rats arse if he offended the snobs. i imagine him to be completely fearless whilst still being emotionally vulnerable. he looks me in the eye and invites me into all sorts of adventures, not one of the least being birthing a child.

jesus - compliant? are you kidding me?

my distaste for compliance is one of the reasons i am (at the moment) unable to let dani cry when she wants a cuddle (even if it's 2am). the baby psychology books i've been reading reckon when a baby consistently expresses a need (physical, emotional or spiritual, and i think they are all the same thing to a baby anyway) and it is ignored, they cope by slowly deadening they acknowledgement of that need. they learn not to listen to their own bodies when they are hungry, or their own heart when they want love. maybe it's the 4 in me (enneagram), but having an internal moral compass and listening to my own heart is one of the most important things in the world.

and the new research (and lots of the old) is saying that babies who are responded to quickly, in the end cry less and are more content.

maybe the psychology books and the research is wrong and maybe i am actually creating a demanding little spoilt brat, but heck, i'll still love her even if no one else does, and at least i'll know i've done my best.

use your mind
but follow
your
heart.

2007-11-23T15:26:00.000+09:00

dry sheets
dry baby
happy baby
happy mummy
:)

if we can do this again it will mean the end of day time nappies!

potty

2007-11-23T13:16:00.000+09:00

the warm weather is definitely suiting the no-nappy thing. we've made heaps of progress the last few weeks (not that this is about progress per say). she's becoming really clear at communicating when she wants to poo, and she only wees about every hour now and the window i have to catch the wee has grown. (for instance if she does a wee at 9am i can put her on the potty again at anywhere between 9.45 and 10.15 and successfully catch it, where as when she was little if she weed at 9am i would only have between 9.20 and 9.25 to catch the next one.) she doesn't seem to communicate that she's about to wee, or if she does it's really subtle and only about 1 second before she going to go, so for wees i tend to rely on timing (ie put her on the potty before she's busting) and poos i tend to rely on her communication (she stops what ever she's doing and concentrates either into my eyes or into space and her breathing changes.)

i just put dani down for her afternoon nap with no nappy on! i popped her on the potty and she did a tea spoon sized wee (obviously wasn't busting) and then i laid her down in her cot, bare bummed. It's a nice warm day so she doesn't need any blankets. i've left her door open so i can hear her if she stirs. the theory is that babies don't wee in their sleep, but as they wake. this theory has proved true because i often whip dani's nappy off as soon as she wakes up and she's dry, but will then do a big wee on the potty within about 5 seconds.

we'll see how we go :)
i love being a mum

common sense?

2007-11-14T21:06:00.000+09:00

my notions of common sense have never been challenged so much as they have in the first six months of being a mum. it seems to turn out that what i get told is 'common sense' is really not so common after all.

according to this book i've been reading 'our babies, ourselves' (by m f small) 90% of children sleep with at least one other adult, over 8% of babies sleep with other children and less than 2% of babies in the world tonight will sleep in a room alone.

less than 2%!! and it's not just the poor families that can only afford a one room house. so it's clearly not the common consensus that babies should sleep alone. and from a quick google search there seems to be a wealth of new research showing that it's actually not good for babies to sleep alone.

i look back at the early settlers and their crazy logic and i say 'bringing foxes to australia!! what were you thinking??!!'

i wonder if our grandkids will look back and say to us 'forcing babies to sleep alone!! what were you thinking??!!'

and the average age for weaning? my little bubble of 'common sense' would tell me 12 months is plenty, but the global 'common sense' turns out to be around 4 years.

so where do we get our crazy common sense ideas from anyway? fill me in if you find out.

2007-11-09T16:13:00.001+09:00

ummm... thought i'd better write something since there's now a link to this page?????
hmmm... nothing really in my brain today. maybe i'll post a pic instead.

book

2007-10-02T17:45:00.000+08:00

currently reading "Parenting for a Peaceful World" by Robin Grille. wow. i can feel it changing my world as i flip the pages over one by one.

i have this longing in my heart that constantly resurfaces. i can not shake it and i can not put it to sleep. i want the oppression in Burma to end. i want the child sex slave industry in asia to collapse. i want the slaughter in africa to stop. i want the abuse of aboriginal children to finish. i want rich humans to stop plundering our environment. i want the kingdom of God to come on earth as it is in heaven.

could it be that we can create either heaven or hell on earth by the way we treat our children?

Grille argues that child rearing practices have affected societies and international affairs throughout history including the rise of Hitler and Stalin. He walks through history and shows how common parenting practices are an incredibly accurate indicator of what that society will become.

Grille outlines six different parenting modes (from worst to best). The first 4 are highly abusive and would be illegal in modern Australia. The Growing Kids God's way stuff is quite clearly number 5 (the socialising mode). But everything he is saying about the sixth mode (the helpful mode) is resonating as deeply true.

it would blow you away some of the stuff that was considered normal in other parenting mode eras. like tighlty swaddling babies 24 hours a day until they're 9 months old and stuffing their mouths with rags soaked in flour and water to stop them crying. i will never trust 'common sense' again because these practices (and many others far worse) were considered common sense in many societies for hundreds of years.

Was talking with Grandma last night about babies. She grew up in a children's home herself. She hated it. "I love how you lot love and cuddle your babies," she said, "it's much better". better than what? i didn't want to ask.

can't wait for daddy ellery to read this and hear his perspective.

alfie kohn

2007-10-02T17:41:00.000+08:00

"There is a time to admire the grace and persuasive power of an influential idea, and there is a time to fear it's hold over us. The time to worry is when the idea is so widely shared that we no longer even notice it, when it is so deeply rooted that it feels to us like plain common sense. At this point when objections are not even answered any more because they are no longer even raised, we are not in control: we do not have the idea; it has us."

my free speech

2007-09-30T17:22:00.001+08:00

was chatting with a mate about 'why blog' the other day. why do i blog? ummmm... it feels healthy? i have a private written journal as well but there is something very releasing about putting it out there on the vast and lonely world wide web. i suppose it's like writing a speech... even if no one comes to listen it's still a valuable process for the speaker to go through...thinking, organizing and presenting thoughts. they say the best way to learn is to teach, so i'll happily teach, even if i'm the only one learning. like screaming a sermon into the desert. it feels good.

my mate wondered if blogs were about feeding ego's... like 'oh.. i wonder how many comments i got today'. maybe, but i don't think so. i'd rather feed my ego by being good a surfing or being really green or having loads of friends. those things are cool. being good at writing is a bit nerdy.

so i think i can safely say that i don't really mind too much how many people read this stuff. (which is probably a good thing because on the cyberspace map this site is not really a Sydney intersection, more of a Meliden culdesac... yes exactly, you don't even know where that is.) but i do love it when close mates do read it and mention it to me later... especially if it's about spiritually stuff. i guess it's nice to know that people care, or are at least willing to engage with me in soul wonderings.

and i suppose in the back of my head i hope that in 20 years time this blog will still be floating around for me to come back to and read, and remember where we were. who knows, dani might even read it one day?

our friends in Burma literally risk their lives to write their blogs.

http://www.ftub.org/
http://www.angelfire.com/ok/NLD/NLD.html

2007-09-14T10:18:00.000+08:00

grandma is here.

yesterday she spent the day surrounded by her daughter's family.

i love her so much.

she has the most infectious chuckle.

we having a party for her 86th birthday on sunday. it's her second birthday party in her life. her first one was her 80th.

think i'll go make her a cake.

airport

2007-09-12T15:38:00.000+08:00

about to step into one of those weird momentous occasion that I know will be with me for the rest of my life. in a few minutes i’ll be leaving to pick up my Grandma from the airport. if a journalist was writing an article of this there is so many different angles she could take...

Bushwalking in D'Entrecasteaux

2007-08-18T15:50:00.000+08:00

Spent last week bushwalking on the Bibbulmun Track from Inlet River Rd to Walpole on the south coast. Overnighted in three of the track huts; Woolbales, Long Point & Mt Clare. Highlights included wading through flooded track sections (sometimes up to knee deep); running from the rain at long point and climbing Mt Clare through the tingle & karri forest. It was an awesome walk with my two compadres. Watching the landscape change from jarrah forest to coastal dunes back to forest again was fascinating and the plenty of wet sections as well as river/creek crossings kept the walk interesting.
I've definitely whetted my appetite for walking in the region. We skirted the Nuyts Wilderness Area which i think will definitely be worth an exploratory hike sometime in the not too distant future...

"pssssss"

2007-08-01T10:59:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered what all the mum’s who can’t afford nappies do to keep themselves and their babies clean?

Before Danika was born Case and I were trying to work out which way to go – cloth or disposable? Both seem quite bad for the environment, both seemed either inconvenient or expensive and I never really felt comfortable with the idea of strapping waste to our beautiful baby girl’s bottom.

Then we stumbled across the concept of ‘Elimination Communication’ or ‘Infant Potty Training’.

Basically when ever we think Danika needs to go to the loo we simply hold her over the potty, and when ever she pees we say ‘psssssss’. Over time she is learning than when ever we hold her in that position and say ‘psssssss’ it is time to pee.

How does it work –

The theory is that whilst babies can’t hold on if they need to go, they can release before they’re busting, so the trick is to catch it before it comes out in a non-controlled way (ie. In their nappy or on you!)

Cues –

For pees the best cue so far seems to be timing. Straight after a feed is guaranteed (with Danika). And then 5 mins later, them 10 mins later then it gets a bit hazy. Sometimes if she’s playing on the mat all happy then does a little grizzle I think she might be telling me she needs to pee, but it’s early days and I’m not certain yet.

For poos, I reckon the smell of her fluffs changes just before she needs to go (they smell more like sweet baby poo) and if I put her on the potty to do a wee and she tightens her hammies it’s a good indicator that she needs a bit longer. Also for the last 2 weeks she’s done one poo everyday at about 11.30.

Generally wees take about 10 seconds and poos take about 10 minutes.

So we’re not completely nappy free yet. She still wears them to bed and when we go out.

Some people have asked if it’s a hassle… not really. Time I spend holding her over the potty is time I would otherwise be spending burping her or talking to her and both of these we do while she’s on the potty anyway. I suppose if the phone rings or I want to sweep the floor or something then it’s a bit of a hassle.

The main advantages are;

· It’s fun! In a way only a mother could understand. I love the way we communicate to one another at such a kinaesthetic level.

· It’s much cleaner for her. Even after poos one little wipe and she’s clean.

· Less nappies. The cloth nappies I use in the day are easy to wash because they usually only have one little pee in them (that Danika did while she was in bed) and we only use disposables when we go out (heaps cheaper). I haven’t washed a pooie bottom or nappy for over six weeks (except this morning when I dropped a clean nappy in a dirty potty!)

Disadvantages;

· Sometimes I turn the heater on more because it’s easier to have her bare bottomed.

· I have to clean out the potty (but I’d much rather clean a dirty potty than a dirty bottom!)

· Sometimes other mothers give me strange looks.

So it’s so far so good at this stage. I’m not sure what will happen when she learns to crawl. As she’s getting older she does seem to be going longer between pees so I’m hoping it’s only going to get easier, but who knows. I expect that early toilet training will be a natural consequence of what we're doing but it's not really about toilet training any more than breast feeding is about weaning.

I’ve read on the internet that some western parents who use this method don’t use any nappies right from the start, but we’re not quite there yet. I’ve heard that some non-western mothers think teaching a baby to use his clothes as a toilet is disgusting and weird.

It’s funny how in the west a baby using a potty is such a novel idea that the method even has it’s own name… “Elimination Communication”. But for over half the babies in the world this is just how they go to the toilet.

individuals?

2007-06-29T15:16:00.000+08:00

According to what I’ve been reading Danika doesn’t know she’s separate from the rest of the universe yet, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know what it means to be separate from God. But then listen to Einstein’s thoughts on adults…

Albert Einstein
”A human being is a part of a whole, called by us 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

Maybe this is what Christ meant when he said ‘childlike faith’.

words

2007-06-29T12:41:00.000+08:00

Imagine a life without words…

You wouldn’t be able to give and receive instructions.

You wouldn’t be able to talk on the phone or use a computer.

You wouldn’t be able to articulate the specific bits and pieces of your partner that you like of dislike.

You wouldn’t be able to know that Jesus died and rose again.

You wouldn’t be able to label yourself as male or female.

You wouldn’t be able to label anything.

Words use to seem so important… until I met Danika. She has shown me that words really aren’t that important at all. She has no words, but yet she has everything… including the very presence of God. Because without words she can not take herself out of the present moment, and it is of course only within the very present moment that we can be with God.

“What language do you laugh in what language do you cry in what language do you dance in make romance in what language do you make love in or pray to the above in what language are your fears? What language are your tears?” Michael Franti

2007-05-06T21:13:00.000+08:00

"do you think she knows she's in a sacred universe?"
"i think that's all she knows."

Birth Recount Two

2007-05-04T17:36:00.001+08:00

Here’s an excerpt from my diary on the 25^th April…

‘woke up to the sound of beautiful rain. Beautiful rain inside me… awake! Waters are sort of breaking, clock check – 4.15am

Try to go back to sleep… waiting for the next contraction – have three but can’t sleep – happy, excited, waiting. 5am get up.

Do dishes.

Casey gets up… goes back to sleep.

5.35 he gets up again, comes out dressed… excited too… peaceful happy.

He vacuums the rug while I hold the pool.

He blows up the pool.

He deflates the pool.

The pool has a puncture – small.

Casey patches puncture.

Pool now sits beside me – wilted, like an old blue capsicum.

Now what… wait. So much waiting!!

6.17 sky turns from black to navy.

Watched ANZAC service on TV. I am so glad we are in Australia ;) sniff.

Went to beach… ummm fresh air. Take away brekkie.

Powerderfinger playing on TV ANZAC service. Go aussie!

Casey takes Jarra to park.

Called Jill about 10am.

She came round to check baby heart rate. All good. She leaves her little machine so we can keep checking it though out the day.

12am Krissy and Jenna come around to pick up their shoes. I go to Ocean Reef Marina with them to walk up and down the big steps – lets get these contractions cranking. It works. The first contraction hits as I’m saying good-bye to them – 1pm.

2pm (handwriting getting messy)

Starting to zone out when they hit their peak – but that bit only last for a few seconds. Seem to be coming every few minutes.’

That’s where my journal entry for the 25^th April finishes… I’ll fill you in on the rest.

Jill (the midwife) came round about 3pm. Tam (the doula) came round not long after.

The only position I wanted to be in was on my knees leaning forward. By about 5pm I my back was getting really sore and I felt like I couldn’t hold this position much longer so we fill up the pool. Arrrrrrr…. I sink in… sooo good.

I’m facing Casey most of the time. He’s sitting in a fit ball leaning forward looking at me. He’s so strong and reassuring. I know he has great faith in me. (Verse One of poem.) The contraction are strong but I am amazed at how they completely disappear so I can rest. I also manage to find a moment of stillness in between each breath even when the contractions are happening.

As the contractions get stronger I start to feel overwhelmed (Verse Two). I turn to Tam and realise that she has given birth to four children. I am so impressed that women all over the world can do this. This is probably the most uncomfortable part of the labour for me. Jill asks if I want an internal but I decline… what if I’m only 3cm dilated? I can only deal with the very present moment.

Finally the pushing stage. Once I got the hang of it this stage was actually quite good. Incredibly intense and painful but there was actually so many feelings happening all at once, that it was easy to ignore the pain. And I soon figured out that the harder I pushed the more Danika’s head seemed to numb everything. And there was that – I could now feel her head!

Large parts of my brain definitely shut down (and are only just slowly coming back to me). I remember the midwife asking me to move forward in the pool so she could see better, but I had no idea what she meant. I remember thinking that I hoped she didn’t think I was being rude ignoring her, but I just couldn’t compute the instruction.

The midwife thought she could see black hair… a little bit more of it poked out with every contraction. Casey could see her. I planned on gently ‘breathing’ her out at this stage so I wouldn’t tear, but that hurt too much so I just pushed with all my might… and out she popped!

Casey caught her and she opened her eyes underwater. Her cord was wrapped like a scarf under her arms and around the back of her neck, not dangerous but it made passing her to me a little awkward. I was on the biggest high of my life. She had a feed whilst on my chest and then Casey cut the cord.

Danika Moana Anne Ellery was born at 9.55pm weighing 3.9kg (8 lbs 10 oz).

Overall the birth a positive and absolutely incredible experience.

2007-05-04T16:31:00.001+08:00

ok... it's been 9 days.
i think i'm ready to try and put words to the most incredible experience of my life so far... the birth of Danika.

the first post is kind of a recount of the birth experience from my perspective, the second post is a recount from how the rest of the world would have seen it.

Birth Recount One

2007-05-04T16:28:00.001+08:00

Verse one

River flows over me

Calm, warm and strong

I rest in my lover’s arms

Strong and still

I look up from the river, across the grass and into the trees

The lion is waiting, calmly watching from afar

Its giant paws tread softly on the grass

Verse two

I kneel in the river. I look up. The lion is distant.

The lion and eye make I contact. My soul quakes.

I crawl towards him.

Right arm forward, left knee forward.

He mirrors me.

Left paw forward, right paw forward.

I stop. He stops.

With trepidation I move again.

Left arm forward, right knee.

Right paw, left paw.

He mirrors me.

The distance is closing.

Desperately I wish to turn away, but am captivated be his gaze.

I am drawn forward. My body crawls on without my permission. God be with me.

I imagine the talons in those paws, the teeth in that mouth. I shudder.

But when I look all I see is deep golden eyes.

The distance is closing.

And still the lion mirrors my every move forward.

Ten metres. The grass is soft beneath us.

Seven metres. I am terrified. God, give me courage.

Four metres. Stop, I plead, but my body ignores me. God give me strength.

Two metres. Stop, I beg. My head drops and I crumble in tears. But my body crawls on, inch by inch. I am helpless. I am lost. God…

I close my eyes and go to another place.

God meets me.

In his beautiful hands he carries a burning rod of fierce courage.

One metre

‘God I need courage’ I ignore what he carries. I can not handle it.

Without speaking he reminds me that courage and fierceness are one the same. One the same.

Half a metre. I am petrified.

‘God I need courage!’ I scream at him.

Quarter metre.

Nose to nose

I close my eyes in silent fear. God’s hand moves towards me, my fear is only matched by desperation. I plead for what he holds. He reaches into my soul.

I wince and curl in pain as I feel the light of courage, first in the depths of my body then through my every single cell. Fierce strength pulsates through my veins.

I gulp and eyes wide open. I stare eye ball to eye ball at the lion and I realise… that.. the lion is me.

The lion is me.

The strength, the power, the energy, the intensity of which I was so afraid, is me. It is my body, it is my soul, it is my emotion.

The lion walks onward. Giant paws on soft grass. Fierce courage pulsating through it’s veins. The lion is not afraid. Each contraction brings only new depth to it’s growl.

Verse Three

I come back to my lover.

I am human again, but somehow altered

I look in his eyes and laugh at the pain to show him I’m OK.

His love and God’s love is all around me, is all I know.

I cannot speak but with my eyes I smile, “You have got to be kidding me!” Who on earth came up with this plan?!

I say it to him and I say it to my saviour as if they are one the same.

As if they are one.

And then with the final push, my wrecked, wrinkled and empty body gushes open

And my daughter is born

My daughter is born

Time stands still

For 45 minutes I am overcome with the bliss of feeling her human spirit.

2007-04-27T15:46:00.000+08:00

beyond words...

Labyrinth

2007-04-20T17:43:00.000+08:00

Walked the labyrinth at St Aidan's in Claremont today. A beautiful time of reflection moving through the three stages of Purgation, Illumination and Union. I found it a useful meditation tool particularly as one who is easily distracted. Following the path kept my body occupied which made it easier to clear distractions from my mind. I find it refreshing, experiencing new ways of reflection and contemplation.

baby

2007-04-16T20:56:00.000+08:00

baby still snuggled up inside me. 3 hours and 2 minutes left of it's due date...

so why am i planning on a home water birth again when there's a perfectly good hospital just down the road?

everytime i get asked that question i seem to give a different answer.

let me make a list to unclutter my brain.

- i think the body, mind and spirit are delicately interconnected and the body can't function well unless the mind and spirit are positive and healthy.
- there is less chance of infection for me or baby
- the water will help me move into different position more easily, which will allow me to listen to my body and do what it tells me more easily. the physical position of the mother is supposed to be really influential in how easily the baby can move through the canal.
- i like things being as natural as possibly and want to avoid the cascade of intervention which is so common in hospitals. (eg. lots of foetal monitoring leads to mother laying on her back for ages which leads to 'failure to progress' which leads to her being induced which leads to an epidural which leads to a c-section)
- i also believe that health is not just the absence of something going wrong, health is more about optimum functioning. hospitals seemed to be all about stopping things going wrong rather than actually promotion health.
- the water will help my skin and muscles soften and less likely to tear.
- the temptation of drugs will not be there. why is that important? i'm not exactly sure... i think i fear that drugs will stop me from fully experiencing this incredible event.
- this baby has somehow made me more aware of my connection with God than ever. And my awareness of my connection with God is possibly the most dearest thing to me. I imagine it would be much harder for me to feel connected to God birthing in a hospital than it will be for me to get lost in His arms at home.
- giving birth in a strange room in front of a bunch of strangers sounds really bizarre to me. to me it's really strange that the 'normal' place to birth would be in hospital.

hmmm... that helped me unclutter a bit. and can i add that i am open to zipping down to Joondalup hospital should the need arise, it's just not my first preference.

charlie

unresolved thought

2007-03-15T11:15:00.000+09:00

while we were in Africa we read about The Lord's Resistance Army. It was probably one of the most horrible and disturbing things i've ever read. The LRA apparently is a rebel army in northern Uganda. They brainwash and use children to commit horrible inhumane offences. They are psychological conditioned to think perverted violence is a normal part of manhood and are severely beaten or killed if they don't do what they're told. Children are told to pray to the Holy Spirit for courage to commit vile and evil acts (including raping and murdering younger family members) and it's all done in the name of Jesus.

unfortunately i have a vivid imaginations and after reading about this i spent the next few weeks imagining what it must be like to be a kid today in the LRA.

imagine a 12 year old kid who has been exposed to the brain washing but the LRA hasn't quite killed his spirit yet and somewhere in his heart he's knows it's wrong. he has seen some of his little buddies severely beaten for not following orders and is deeply afraid this will happen to him. and then one day one of the bosses comes along and tells him he has to commit some horrible offence against someone he knows. The kid is told to pray to the Holy Spirit for courage to be a man and they will be leaving in an hour to go and bring justice in the name of Jesus.

The kid is deeply afraid and goes of to his room to get his gun. He wants to be a man. He wants the admiration and respect the older boys get from being brave. He prays to Jesus to help him follow his orders. He takes out his gun and imagines what the people will look like as he shoots them. His stomach turns. His spirit cringes. He weighs up his options. If he refuses he'll be beaten or killed. If he runs away he'll probably starve in the desert.

one of his boss's comes in and tells him to pick up his gun. the kid doesn't move. the boss moves closer and raises his voice 'Jesus is Lord. Pick up your gun'. the kid is absolutely terrified but follows his heart, 'I hate Jesus' he yells and tries to make a run for it...

this scenario doesn't fit my theology. in fact it exposes some gaping holes in it.

can someone follow Christ without actually knowing it?
can someone hate everything they know about Christianity and still usher in the Kingdom of God?
can someone deny Christ with their words but actually be a true disciple of Him in their life?
how much is it about language and labels?

i know this scenario seems very extreme to us. the 'Jesus' presented to this kid was obviously a perverted version.

are we capable of presenting a perverted 'Jesus' in milder ways?...

God is Good.
God is Love.

maybe following goodness and love is enough?

2007-02-07T11:30:00.000+09:00

6 months preggas... yeah! still looking good for home water birth. can't wait for the birth experience, which is weird coz i'm expecting it to hurt. the normal fear my brain usually associates with pain doesn't seem to have kicked in??? blissful ignorance perhaps??

been practising my 'breathing through the pain' techniques. was about to take my dog for a walk with mum on monday. opened the gate and a brick fell from above my head and landed on my foot. mum whisked me off to hospital as my right foot took on strange new forms. doc thinks it's broken but we decided not to get it x-rayed coz of baby.

fortunately we're staying with some mates at the moment, so there's plenty of people running around to make me cups of tea :) i love friends.

it's been good practice at not being in control. especially that moment when it hurts like hell and all you can do is sit there and be. something us westerners don't seem very good at.

end of 2006

2006-12-31T19:39:00.000+09:00

so many definitions have changed. i find myself saying the exact same things i used to say but now meaning something entirely different. here are some of the words i have redefined in 2006...

need
church
Christian
faith
unity
Truth

let's just pick one... 'faith'

old definition of faith: believing that the bible is true; believing certain sentences in my brain such as 'jesus is the son of God and he takes away the sins of the world'; believing that God would answer my prayers; attending church; knowing how to get into heaven and roughly knowing who would and wouldn't make the cut;

my new definition is much harder to put into words. it's more of an awareness than a logical sentence. i'll use some of michael yaconelli's title chapters to help me.

new definition of faith: dangerous wonder; risky curiosity; wild abandon; daring playfulness; wide-eyed listening; irresponsible passion for Christ.

my old definition of faith felt much safer. and i must confess that it was my insecurities, ironically my lack of faith, that kept me believing it.

i tried to believe so many things.. i really did. but i suppose if your trying to believe something then you don't really believe it at all.

preggas :)

2006-12-18T16:50:00.000+09:00

i am pregnant

tear...
smile...
breathe...

i am a walking miracle.
God is moving inside me...
forming, moving, creating
right now as i sit at this computer.

i have never been so aware of how miraculous i am. my body takes bits of carrot and spinach and turns them into retinas and brain cells. i am smarter than einstien's conscious knowledge. i am more creative than van gogh. i have never felt so amazing, so proud, so clever, so powerful.

but at the same time...
i have absolutley no idea what's going on. i feel completely out of control. my body is doing the wierdest things with no consultation of my conscious brain what so ever. there's an alien living inside me leeching me of vitamins, minerals, calcium, and if i don't sleep enough it feels like it's leeching the living day lights out of me. the pain of labour looms like a time bomb. i have never felt so lost, so out of control, so completely powerless.

and somehow in the paradox of power and surrender is the most beautiful thing we have ever done.

2006-11-23T08:52:00.000+08:00

so many times i come to this page wanting to blog, but of late it seems non of my experiences worth noting have fitted english words.

i want to blog because i know it's good for me. it brings some mental order, some cognitive equilibrium, it helps me make sense, or at least helps me believe i've made sense.

but somehow the words i use are never very accurate and they never really describe the way connect with the world. the order of my life seems better described through the cellular structure of a sprouting seed than these funny little lines and shapes called letters.

i try to write about God but somehow He is always on the other side of the next sentence and never quite summed up in the last.

2006-10-23T09:32:00.000+08:00

beautiful spring morning.
hubby at work.
all is well, except for the massive 9 legged huntsman that's asleep in the hallway.

'it's ok' i tell myself in my best reassuring voice, 'i'm a mature adult, it's one thousandth my size, it's asleep and the poor thing is disabled (9 legs)'. i've even named it 'Herman' because naming your fears makes them less scary.

so far the mornings going well. i'm feeling proud that i'm not being ruled by fear. i've even done a little relaxed reading.

but the tensions rising. i need to pee and Herman's blocking my way to the loo...

albert einstein

2006-08-20T17:16:00.000+08:00

the most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. it is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. a knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. in this sense, and only this sense, i am a deeply religious man... i am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvellous structure of existence -- as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature.

2006-08-20T17:14:00.000+08:00

the opposite of love is not hate...
it is indifference.

albert einstein

2006-08-09T11:32:00.000+08:00

"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

2006-08-01T10:49:00.000+08:00

every blog i have posted since we've come home i've deleted. maybe this is why?

Home Now

2006-07-23T17:53:00.000+08:00

After being home for a couple of weeks now we are readjusting to this life again. We have been left moved by our journey over the past six months and seem to have more questions than answers at this stage. We want to work in development or but are unsure how to go about it. Part of us wants to just wade in somewhere and get stuck in, while another part wants to further study and get a job in the development field. Either way it seems exciting.

2006-07-04T04:19:00.000+08:00

'i'm leaving on a jet plane...'

26 hours and counting
can't wait to see you beautiful perth
beautiful friends
beautiful family
beautiful home.

wales

2006-06-24T15:23:00.000+08:00

it's early saturday morning. the house is silent. the little welsh town i grew up in seems to still be asleep. i look out the window at a view almost the same as the view of my childhood bedroom window - small mountain to the right, little town below and beyond that the sea. the sea is grey and the sky is grey and they blend into one another, but i'm nice and warm.

saw my grandma and grandad yesterday. love them so much. when we were staying in the orphanage in Kenya i thought about grandma alot. when she was 2 her and her brother were put in an orphange in London. they lived together until they were 11 when they were separated and no longer allowed to see one another. grandma said that broke her and from then on she was a naughty girl. one of her jobs in the orphanage was feeding the babies. they weren't allowed to show any love or affection to the babies, but she didn't care about the rules any more and would sneak them off and cuddle them.

austria

2006-06-10T01:35:00.000+08:00

sitting in the hostel, using the free internet!! casey's watching germany verses costa rica in the first game of the world cup. the score's germany - 3, costa rica - 1. our next stop is munich (back in germany). apparently the whole city is completely booked out with soccer nuts and there's no way we'll be able to find accomodation - except for our trusty camping gear which is going to come in very handy.

the last 2 weeks have been a whirl of partying, site seeing and bus trips. quite a change in life style after staying in the children's home. we've met loads of fantastic aussie's that we've become good mates with virtually over night.

we're loving this type of travelling but it's become really obvious that people are kidding themselves if they think travelling around western europe is going to open their mind to what's going on in the world.

perhaps i'm being to harsh? if we actually listen to the history of some of these places we might manage to stir ourselves from our consummerisitic money mindset. education is truth, and traveling is definitely education. i quess it just depends which bits of truth you want to learn. some are much easier to swallow than others.

independence

2006-05-26T22:39:00.000+08:00

a thought hit me many years ago that at lot of rich people live with the illusion that they are very clever and self-sufficient, certainly (and this bit is probably unconscious) more so than poor people. but of course rich people are far more dependent on 'the system' (trade) than their poor counterparts, generally speaking.

how long do you reckon you'd survive if money suddenly became unusable?

since i was about 11 it's always kindoff bothered me that we all so dependent on people we've never met to provide ourselves with basic things like clean water, food and electricity. looking back these thoughts were probably inspired by strange rumours i'd heard about the second coming and the tribulation and christians not being able to use money.

at MCF the children wash in the river, the grow 95% of their own food and cook it using fire wood they collect. they do have electricity but it goes of so often you could hardly become dependent on it. there are no fridges so the chickens go from running around their pen to being served for dinner within 2 hours, and yes i learnt the whole process! (and i feel like i've taken my first steps to independence.)

step 1. place chicken between your feet, one foot on it's legs and the other on it's wings.
step 2. gently bend it's neck back, and cut of head with a sharp knife.
step 3. try and recatch chicken which is now running around with no head on (no joke).
step 4. hold chicken above hot water up-side-down to drain. submerge neck into water which will cause chicken to 'drown' and stop running around.
step 5. submerge whole chicken in hot water and then pluck the feathers.
(chicken will now look like it came from supa-value)
step 6. remove intestines taking special care not to puncture the little blue one (the guy i was helping only new it's name in swahili, so i'm not exactly sure which bit it is. they eat every other bit of the chicken except for that.)
step 7. COOK!

debriefing the MCF experience

2006-05-22T16:20:00.000+08:00

The school in MCF (Mully's children's family) is one of the best in Kenya according to national examination results. i asked the headmaster what factors he thought contributed to the students success. he gave the following;

- the children get three meals a day so they don't have to worry about finding food and can focus on their studies.
- there is a doctor on site so they don't fret about getting sick.
- they get plenty of 'spiritual nourishment' which calms and inspires them.
- they know what it's like to be a 'destitute' and they are determined not to be one any more.
- they have more lessons per day and less holidays per year than other schools.
- if a child does muck up in class they are sent to visit the school councilor (an ex student and beneficiary of MCF) to work out the underlying issues. he makes sure the child feels heard.
- the teachers are really committed (even though they are not all trained) and because they live with the students they know them really well.
- they have a dad (Mr Mully) who says to them 'work hard and make me proud'.

african animals

2006-05-22T16:08:00.000+08:00

spent the last three days on the Maasai Mara. We saw elephants, giraffes, lions, warthogs (which have the same attitude to live as our dog Jarra), hyenas, vultures.........

we were expecting our accommodation to be really budget camping, so we only took old grotty clothes and our sleeping bags. the 'camp site' turned out to be a luxury resort, which rivaled where we stayed in Bali for our honeymoon. the 'tent' had polished floorboards, a huge comfy double bed and gorgeous private bathroom. we ate a delicious buffet three times a day and drank 'tuskers' with rich Indians around the indoor log fire in the evenings.

it was quite strange being unexpectedly emerged in such luxury. We both loved it, but concluded we loved the MCF (children's home) experience more.

2006-05-21T19:03:00.000+08:00

back to civilization and the (relatively) easy internet access of Nairobi.

Africa has been none short of an incredible experience. We have a sense that we've learnt far more than we even realise.

can't even begin to some up all that is swirling in my head.

leave for London on Wednesday.

Love to you all x

ndalani

2006-05-11T21:11:00.001+08:00

currently living on a little slice of heaven right down here on earth.
m.c.f ndalani children's home.
we spend our days planting beans, eating ugali, teaching english and attending daily devotions.
the children are remarkably polite and disciplined.
they hardly whisper a word in classes, which i (charlie) sometimes find a little frustrating.

the devotions are a highlight of the day. the singing is incredible. most of the songs are in swahili, so it's taking us a while to cotton on. casey's been getting into the african dancing too. we've snuck in the mp3 player to record the acapella singing a few times, coz i know i'll miss their singing.

we're writing this from the post office in Matuu - the nearest town with internet... it has 2 computers. Matuu is about 15kms from Ndalani.

one cool thing about Kenya is that Christianity is huge. As i'm writing this the post office radio is playing This is the air i breath by the parachute band. radios are always playing worship songs and belting out american sermons. most of the businesses seem to have some sort of biblical reference in their name.

bought some hair extensions today ($3) one of the girls is going to put them in for me on friday and saturday (it takes 2 days).

one of our favourite past times here (at the orphanage)is just wandering around and finding a little cute kid to pass time with. they find our hairy arms and freckles fascinating and seems to be able to make a 15 minute game out of bending our funny white fingers.

2006-04-26T18:16:00.000+08:00

caught up with one of our sudanese friends big brother last night which was great. neither of us have met our nieces, both born in perth.

we are currently at Ndalani Orphanage. There's about 400 kids aged 7 to 23, a school, a farm and the home where they all live. case and i will be both teaching and helping out on the farm. there's no phone or internet here.

so we'll catch you all later.

egypt

2006-04-23T21:09:00.000+08:00

this morning we went to the church that sheltered mary, joseph and Jesus when they arrived in egypt as refugees.

i can not quite put words how this felt... other than i felt very close to Jesus.

tonight we fly out to Kenya.

egypt

2006-04-21T21:03:00.000+08:00

just spent 3 days in Alexandria, on the Afican side of the Mediterranean coast. this is the place where it was decided which 27 books would make up the new testament. the bishop of Alexandria (i think his name was Athansius) had the final word in about 260AD (i can't remember exactly but it was about 65 years before Constantine made Christianity the official religion in Rome).

i wonder how he decided which books to pick?

the perfect ending...

2006-04-16T21:20:00.000+08:00

last day in thailand (or so we thought)

downloaded all out photos onto our mp3 player and had a good reminise of our time in thailand - the people we'd met, the places we'd been.

ate a cheap yummy thai curry.

went to the slum where the barkers live and was immersed in the songkran festival in all it's glory. (on the way in the taxi had to stop in the middle of the road, blocked by groups of people soaking wet, dancing and covered in powder. the taxi driver locked the doors and made sure the windows were up. we slowly etched forward through the dancing crowd, who drew love hearts on the window and begged us to open them. the taxi driver let them down just a little and in came the arms, covering our faces in powder.)

ate yummy sweet sticky rice and mango with the barkers - truly gorgeous people.

went back to the hotel, packed neatly.

left for the airport at 12.30am, got there at one. our ticket said our plane left at 4.45 - heaps of time. casey looked at the departure board..... 1.00am ?????????????

we had missed our plane.........
so i am writing this from bangkok, not africa.

good friday

2006-04-14T15:09:00.000+08:00

2nd day of songkran

good friday

so far we haven't found a christian church, i don't think there are many in bangkok.

how do we make today meaningful?
meaningful to us that is. good friday is meaningful whether i acknowledge it or not.

i feel like i need to attach some ritual to today to help me realise in the physical world what has happened in the spiritual.
i wonder what happened at my old church this morning. no doubt there would have been a service, which i would love to have attended.

my thoughts come to the cross.
to suffering.
i think of our burmese friends, who suffer.
my mind wonders to all those who face torture today.
my Jesus, please show your face to them.

2006-04-13T16:40:00.000+08:00

in bangkok again. leave for africa on sunday.

today is the first day of 'sonkran' the thai/burmese new year. basically everyone just throws water at everyone else everywhere for three days (at least). i've been hit twice today already. they also rub coloured powder on your face. 'farangs' seem to be high on the hit list.

the elderly go to buddist temples and the monks pour water on them in a more refined manner than whats's happening on the streets. the water is believed to wash away sins and brings good luck.

it's a pretty fun time as most people are on holidays and it's really hot. they put ice cubes in their water guns to make it extra chilli.

we've been on holiday for 2 weeks now... and we've done nothing but consume... accomodation, food, motor bike rides, movies, bus trips... it has become a bit meaningless and i can't wait to get to Africa where we can hopefully contribute something.

-charlie

Laos

2006-04-06T13:54:00.000+08:00

just spent a week back packing in laos. great fun. heaps of english speakers to make friends with.

we caught a slow boat from the Thai Loas border to Lang Probang. It was a 2 day trip and we were suppose to stop over night at a guest house on the side of the Mekong. The boat was about 2 metres wide and 40 metres long, all wooden and covered in colourful flacky paint. There were about 70 'falangs' and 15 or so locals. the seats were small and hard, but the scenery was stunning.

it's coming to the end of the dry season so the rivers are low, and at one point we ran aground. our boat came to a grinding halt and then tipped to the right (i was sitting on window sill on the left and prepared to launch myself out) everyone else spontaneously jumped to the left... and the boat tipped to the left - too far. so everyone spontaneously jumped to the right, and the boat tipped to the right - too far. a Lao woman at the back screamed something in Loa and everyone sat down. the boat righted itself and we continued on, hearts beating a little faster.

later that evening we stopped on the side of the river. there were rapids ahead and the river was too low to cross. we were all instructed to get out and walk a km or so down river. hopefully with out the weight of the passangers our boat would be able to pass though. so we trouped off and waited down river, looking expectantly up the rapids, waiting for our boat. it didn't come.

their was only one man on the boat who could speak both Lao and English and he was a buddist monk. He gathered everyone around. "We have a problem" he began. "Firstly i would just like to say that i am a passenger and this is my problem too." clever man. "The boat is not able to pass through. we must walk back to the boat and sleep on the side of the river."

hmmm...
no worries.

we walked back and set up camp. it was a beautiful warm night and there was some nice white soft sand to sleep on. we set up three camp fires and they even managed to find us some fried rice and drinking water from a nearby village. it was actually turning out to be a perfect night... and i wish that's where the story ended.

first we ignored the lightning, then we ignored the thunder (except the Laos, they all climbed back on the boat to get the best sleeping spots) we could not ignore the rain. each drop felt like half a cup of water.

and by 9pm we were all huddled back on the boat. it was cramped. it was damp. the floor was hard and not quite flat. it was completely pitch black.

not the best night sleep we ever had...

Baanchivitmai Bakery

2006-03-27T19:19:00.000+08:00

We are currently sitting in an internet cafe/bakery/restaurant in Chiang Rai called Baanchivitmai Bakery. It's sole reason for existence is to provide job opportunities for the local hill tribe young people so they aren't forced into prostitution or the drug trade. So simple and so effective. Why does it seem all so complicated when we are at home?

Charlie likes the marzipan!

leaving MaeSot

2006-03-26T20:06:00.000+08:00

got up at 5.00am.
dark, moist, warm.
my bag digs into my shoulders.
we walk past the monks receiving their arms.
we walk past the cage of 'illegal' refugees.
we hop on the bus and drive away.

we drive away.

today

2006-03-24T15:07:00.000+08:00

last day in maesot today.

said a sad good-buy to class one this morning
said a sad good-buy to class two last night
the teachers from the refugee migrant school are throwing a birthday party for case tonight, which will end in another sad good-bye.
the people here are amazing.
we leave tomorrow to continue our travels of the great free world.
they stay in maesot, waiting..............

how can the world which is so wonderful to me be the same world which is so devastating to them?

teacher training

2006-03-17T16:26:00.000+08:00

did a storybook session with teachers from the migrant school this morning (the kids are now on holidays for 2 months) it was great fun, very relaxed. (see photo bucket for pics)

they have never had any training before (no uni, no college, no PD) and they were really greatful. we sat around on the floor laughing a children's books together. they are such beautiful people.

heart full of love.
ego nicely plumped.

walk on

2006-03-14T17:10:00.000+08:00

the last elections in burma were in 1990. The Nation League for Demorcracy (NLD) won over 80% of the votes in a landslide victory. The ruling government responded by shooting or arresting many NLD party members. (Today their are around 150 of them in prison). Their leader is called Aung San Suu Kyi. She has become a national hero and icon and she inspired the U2 song Walk On She has been in and out of house arrest since the election. The burmese government army (ironicaly called State Peace and Development Council - SPDC) will allow her to leave Burma, but everyone knows if she did that she could never return, and so she chooses to stay.

a singing bird in an open cage...

2006-03-14T15:51:00.000+08:00

the boy we prayed for yesterday was at school today... smiling :)

sunday

2006-03-13T15:45:00.000+08:00

went to the boarder markets in the morning. bought some funkie hippie pants. caught the bus home. on the way we passed the famous Dr Cynthia clinic (the only place all the illegal burmese immigrants who aren't in the refugee camps can get medical care). a brand new mother hopped on the bus, 2 day old baby in arms. the mother looked at me beaming, and gave me one of the most beautiful smiles i've ever been given. a few kms down the road we were stopped by police who wanted to check everyone had their id. everone who had their little blue books pulled them out and nervously opened them for the police. those that didn't put their eyes to the floor... including the brand new mum. i held my breath, thinking surely noone is mean enough to arrest a brand new mum.

and, thank the Lord, today they weren't. after glancing at a few of the id papers the police waved us on. brand new mum resumed her beautiful smile. baby slept unknowingly in her arms.

in the afternoon we went to burmese church. they have it in a thai church, who very kindly allow the burmese to use their facilities. it's pretty obviously that there's a fairly major difference in class between the two groups -thai rish, burmese poor. the first service is in thai. then they all have lunch together, paid for by the church offererings. the burmese quietly walk around the eating thais and take their place in the pews. the burmese get to give a tithe (which goes to the thai pastor) but they don't get to eat lunch.

for once i could understand the sermon because it was given by casey! (with the aid of both a burmese and karen interpreters). he preached up a storm on james 2 (faith with out works is dead). quote: everyone's 'works' will look different. it is important we don't make too many rules on what works should look like. each of us must make sure our works look like jesus, and he looks a little bit different to everyone.

later in the afternoon we went to visit one of the school kids (from casey's soccer team) who was sick and hasn't been to school for 2 weeks. again it was a bamboo shack amoungst fields, no electricity and a little stream for water. chicks scurried about underneath. while we were praying for the 10 year old boy a couple of chicks jumped into the 'kitchen' and then into a cold saucepan full of potatos and onion. they hopped in and out of the pan having a good feed. eventually a man came along and kicked them out and put the lid back on the pan.

interesting things

2006-03-10T15:40:00.000+08:00

in thailand "the West" and christianity are considered almost the same thing.

when it is someones birthday at the little christian church we have been visiting, the birthday person must stand up the front and everyone 'prays' the Happy Birthday song at them, eyes closed, hands raised, eye brows furrowed in seriousness. casey finds this very amusing.

'tooting' does not mean 'get out of my frickin' way' or 'you're hot' as it does in perth. it seems to mean something like, 'just letting you know i'm coming'. everytime a car overtakes us on our bikes they toot before hand.

pointing your feet at people is very rude (which is more of an issue than it sounds because most people sit on the floor, not on chairs).

putting a fork in your mouth is considered very rude.

sunday

2006-03-05T22:26:00.000+08:00

went to the burma border this morning to renew our visas.

went to the 'house' (bamboo barn-yard shack) of one of the kids from the migrant school this evening. his mum had invited all the teachers over for a thank-you dinner. the shack (one room. 3 1/2 walls) was in the middle of about 50 acres of veggie plants (owned by thais. worked, as usual, by burmese). we could see puppies and chicks scurring about through the cracks in the bamboo floor as we ate our banana flower curry.

they told us that their 12 yo son and his 15 yo friend (both who attend our school) will be moving to Bangkok tomorrow to work - they think in an orchard, but no one seemed quite sure. Bangkok is about an 8 hour bus drive away.
we've heard horror stories of girls being sent to bangkok to work.

as the sun set the candles came out (no electricty or running water at this place). the 2 boys sat in the middle and all the teachers prayed for them. the principal offered a few finals words of advise, 'don't take drugs, don't steal from or lie to your boss. Jesus loves you where ever you are, call on His name if you ever get into trouble.'

the familily is buddist but seemed happy for us to be there. the 12 year boy old had his little 3 year old sister on his back. i wondered what she is thinking this evening.

saturday

2006-03-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

went to mae la refugee camp. bamboo city. 45 000 people nestled into the side of a tropical mountain... waiting. the 35 000 registered refugees get weekly meagre rations of rice, oil and salt. the family we visited were unregistered. they live (like everyone at Mae La) in their homemade bamboo house.

we were blown away by the impressive lunch they put on for us, which meant they would have (once again) gone with out.

we dropped of some beads and showed them how to make braclets. we're hoping to be able to sell them in australia to provide this family with a small income.

in many ways they refugee camps are quite incredible communties - people with nothing sharing everything they have. sadly though, there is alot of mistrust. people are scared of burmese military spies, who go into the camps pretending to be refugees. the result is a fragmented suspicious community who fear strangers - heart breaking.

2006-03-02T18:07:00.000+08:00

new story books from oz arrived today !! (thanks mum) so exciting. the kids loved them, and the teachers seemed pretty happy to. the first thing most of the kids did was just flick through the pictures and point to anything they could say in english... 'bird!' 'cat!' 'snake!' ...great day :)

freedom of speech

2006-03-01T15:39:00.000+08:00

been going through the United Nation's Declaration of Human Rights with one of our adult english classes. this morning we did number 18.

'you have the right to think what you want and say what you like, and nobody should forbid you from doing so. you should be able to share your ideas also with people from any other country' (plain language version).

my mind is a bubbling pot of soup rather than a neatly organised speider's web. i can't seem to string a paragraph together so here's a few dot points.

mohammed cartoons (i assume they've been big news in perth)
thais openly critising their prime minister and demanding he resign.
our friends fear the police because they critise a government who shoots people at rallies and imprisons their family members without trial.
google censorship in china
50 000 new bloggers a day in china (according to Time - we managed to find it in English YIPPEE)
The Da Vinci Code
Luther (movie)
Constantine (not the movie - the actual man)
That 'crazy' guy who denied the Holocaust
who writes the history books?...... the winners.

it seems like in years gone by there was a certain elite who controlled what infornmation was recorded, kept and read. and of course there are still people trying to be the ones who control 'what gets out'.

i have heard this current age referred to as the 'information age' . far more people now participate in the writing and sharing of information. (including bloggers!)

hmmm. i would like to end this blog with a snappy oneliner that sums what i'm trying to say up.

any suggestions?

charlie

maesot

2006-02-26T17:18:00.000+08:00

cost of a bunch of bananas in maesot: 20 baht
cost of an xtc tablet in maesot: 20 baht
number of baht in an aussie dollar: 30 baht

so what do you do when the street kids ask you for money?

my mind flies into a whirl wind of motion with this issue. searching...searching for a train of thought which will give me cognitive equilibrium.

options...

option 1. don't look them in the eye, focus on how annoying they are and walk right on past.
PROBLEM - i can't live with myself. i can't deny that they are human beings. the divinty in me dies if i do not respect the divinity in them.

option 2. give them a few spare change to appease my conscience.
PROBLEM - they might by xtc, and i've just made their life worse, but probably a kinder option than option 1.

option 3. sell everything we have, move to maesot and take them all in.
PROBLEM - maesot is 100's km away from the nearest beach, and (as corny, hippy, selfish as this is) it is effecting our spirits. also as far as we know these kids might have good mums already. remember we share not one word of common language with them.

option 4. while we're here carry a bag of bananas with us and hand them out to anyone who asks.
PROBLEM - it doesn't save the world and feels hopelessly inadequate. what happens when we leave? but maybe that's not a problem? i don't know?

whilst option 4 does not exactly strike me as a solution it does bring some small cognitive equilibrum to my mind. at least i can live with myself and sleep soundly at night.

charlie

our mate the monk

2006-02-26T16:51:00.000+08:00

HE BECAME A MONK!!

our mate who hadn't been sober for three days! we rocked up to english lesson on thursday 9am as usually to find everyone ready to celebrate! a ute came and picked us all up and of we went to the monastry.

our friend was already there. he'd spent the night there sleeping on the mountain. by the time we arrrived at about 10am he had new hair cut (shaved) new clothes (orange robe) and a new name.

monk rules include:
no harming animals
no eating meat
no drinking alcohol (praise the Lord!)
no eating anything after midday
no touching women (not even to shake hands)
no owning anything

he can be a monk for as long as he wants. the ute we went in was piled high with vegies (a donation to the monastry). and they cooked us all a big lunch to celebrate.

it was quite an incredible day.

22 february

2006-02-22T21:13:00.000+08:00

it's 8.43pm.

it has just rained for the first time in 7 months in maesot... and it poured.
this morning seems a long time ago.

9:00 am
our friend (who is supposed to be at the monastry sobbering up) came to the english lesson, smelling of alcohol. through his broken, drunken english we managed to decipher that his dad has been arrested in burma. He's been beaten up and he's lost his two front teeth. our drunken friend said he's either going to become a monk or join the evil burmese army and shoot everyone. all he's consumed for three days is whiskey, no food or water, just whiskey. he told us that he is the one who should be in jail for stealing, not his dad.

he is very fortunate to have a good mates who are doing their best to look after him. he is such a beautiful, funny guy and he is breaking our hearts.

2:15 pm
there is a little girl at the school where casey coaches soccer with cerebral palsy called 'mimie' (fake name). i will never forget the first time i made eye contact with her. this afternoon i read her an obscure english grammar textbook. she's heaps smarter than i thought. the book was crap though. can't wait until the storybooks from mum and lj arrive.

7.15pm
played pictionary with our evening english class (the oldies who we watched madagascar with). they laughed from their guts. it was priceless.

7.30pm
the rain started and we were effectively trapped at our english class. it's a concrete 'office' where 7 people live. the walls are concrete, the floor is concrete. the only furniture is 4 plastic chairs and three coffee tables. during english class they sit on 2 straw mats on the floor and write on the coffee tables. i wouldn't be surprised if the 2 mats are 2 beds.

9.13pm
going to bed now
good night x

buddism

2006-02-20T22:34:00.000+08:00

just had a fascinating conversation with a burmese monk.

we met him because we ride home one of the guys in our english class cos he's scared of the thai police, and the monk is staying with him.

he grew up in Burma when the country was still under colonial rule, so he learnt english at school (lots of the burmese people who are 50 plus speak quite good english).

he told us that buddha was not a god and never claimed to be, he only asked that people follow his teachings. he was keen to talk about jesus with us and encouraged us to follow his teachings.

the monastries seem to be wonderful places. all the monks live there and people can go to them if they are in trouble. they also provide free education to the burmese children.

one of the guys in one of our classes (late twenties) is going to stay at a monastry for a couple of weeks. the poor guy was in one of the famous burmese masacres in Rangoon. he was injured but survived by pretending to be dead. he is a really funny guy and had quite good english so we have become friends. unfortunately he smells of alcohol most mornings - which is why he's going to stay in the monastry - to sobber up. i'm pretty sure he also said he's going to sell everything he's owns and be poor so he'll have no money so he can't buy alcohol. or maybe it was sell everything he owns so he can buy more alcohol?? not sure... the language barrier sux.

2006-02-19T22:29:00.000+08:00

made our debut on Maesot radio tonight - 105.5 fm.

valentine's day is pretty big in thailand. it's the theme for the radio station for the entire month.
we got to talk about valentine's day in aus.

they love the fluent english!

one of those moments in time that seemed fairly unrelated to the rest of our lives, but got a good few laughs out of it!

movie night

2006-02-18T12:57:00.000+08:00

in the evenings we teach a small group of people english in their home (which is also their office). the average age would be forty something. all highly educated and quite an incredible group of people. all illegal immigrants. some off not seen members of their family for years.

last night for our english lesson we watched madegasgar... and they laughed their heads off!!! like it was the funniest thing they had ever seen in their lives. i doubt that they understood much of the language but most of the pranks were very visual. we all sat on the 'pyar' (mat) - except casey, they made him sit on a chair at the back (?!).

half way through the movie i had one of those moments when you stop and suddenly become aware of where you are and what it must look like from above. there's something very special (and i wonder spiritual) about laughter - especially when people can find it in the middle of oppression.

i hope when am in my forties i will remember last night.

kiddies

2006-02-12T20:13:00.000+08:00

since i was a kiddie i had always imagined traveling the world to help other kiddies who, for some reason or another had no home and no mummy or daddy.

i assumed that in the world there were about 300 children in need of this sort of help and they all lived together in one little village that had no toilet. i imagined that i would buy them a field and teach to read and then they would all live happily ever after.

To this day I am not quite sure if it was love or my personal need to be significant that inspired this fantasy. Probably both. And it’s probably both that brought us to Mae Sot, Thailand.

So far we haven’t taught any kids. Which has been both positive an negative.

Why Positive?
I’ve been reading a few books on community development and NGO’s. One of the big problems is the amount of ‘3 month fly ins’. Volunteers who come in, give their heart and soul for a few months then bail, leaving behind a bunch of heart broken kids. The volunteers get to go home and show all their friends the cute pictures. The kids are left thinking that white people are heros. This thought kind of makes me squirm in my seat.

Why negative?
Adults simply do no laugh enough… and I am going mad! I never realized how much I needed my school kiddies to keep me sane. Spending day after day with solely adult company is squishing the life out of me. It’s like some sort of weird solitary confinement.

The Good News!
On Friday we wondered into a Christian book shop in the hope we might find anything (and I mean anything) written in English. Turned out the shop was closing down and it was their last day. I figured the girl working there was likely a Christian (she was) and asked her if she new of any English speaking churches (we tried thai, and sadly, for us it was a failure). She drew us a map and this morning we were there!

Great message on serving the poor (was in thai but quietly interpreted for us by the bloke sitting next to us). Turns out they have a school for migrant children (illegal refugees from Burma) attached to the church.

One woman literally jumped out of her seat when I told her casey was a sports teacher. “We have pray for a man to coach football team!” she yelled in her broken English at Casey. “Hallelujah!”

So tomorrow we go there. My kiddie fix. Can’t wait.

Myanmar

2006-02-06T20:53:00.000+08:00

had to go to burma to renew our visa. was a bit like stepping into cambodia. got followed/lead around the whole time by a guy from the immigration department to make sure we didn't do anything dodge or even mention the word 'democracy'. also had to leave our passports with them for the day, just to make sure we left before dark.

Mr Tan

2006-02-03T21:31:00.000+08:00

last week we were approached and asked if we wanted to go an a weekend english camp with 180 thai children. at first i was a bit nervous at the prospect of being picked up by a stranger and taken to an unknown place for the weekend. what if this was some strange scam? but my fears were complete laid to rest when i met Mr Tan.

with in 10 seconds of meeting mr tan (a Thai man with fairly broken english) he was so completely stressed out and excited about the english activites we would be leading, we knew there was no possible way he was secretly planning our kidnapping. he turned out to be quite a character. he introduced casey to the 200 plus crowd as 'Mr Crazy' and a doctor called Jerry as 'Dr Jelly' (both names stuck for the entire camp. the humour was of course lost on the thai kids but i found it hilarious). and he kept asking the children 'are you boring?' which we later figured out he meant 'are you bored?' !

anyway, great weekend. tomorrow we go to Burma for the day.
luv to you all (who ever you may be)
Miss Chocolate (as the kids called me!)

life mantra

2006-01-30T21:33:00.000+08:00

so what has God been saying to charlotte... ?
i've really only ever felt a definable word from God 3 times in my life.

The first was in a moment of great crisis when i thought the weight of the world rested on my shoulders and i was desperate to get some guidance. and after many tears and solemn searching i could swear i heard God whisper, "Be friendly" - that was it, be friendly. Now that, my friends i can do. Be Friendly. If there's one thing i can do it's probably that. big sigh of relief. 'be friendly' that almost sounds like fun.

The next time, when i was again feeling overwhelmed by all the evils and meaness that goes on everyday i again cried out to God in desparation (having forgotten what i'd heard months earlier, luckily i'd written it down.) and what did i hear ... "Be childlike". Be childlike...? I brainstormed everything in my mind that i assosiated with 'childlike'. i reflected on my list and it actually looked bloody fun! not only could i do each of those things on the list, they actually described the person i want to be.

And now here i am in Thailand, again imagining that the weight of the world rests on my shoulders. My heart breaks with the stories i hear. My anger rages at how evil men can be and i wonder what on earth i am suppose to do... and the whisper... "Be kind". and again i realise that being kind is actually something i can do. i don't have to save the world i just have to be kind to people.

so there we have it.
my life mantra.

be friendly
be childlike
be kind

2006-01-29T22:39:00.000+08:00

picture this..

me and casey singing blink 182 all the small things (karaoke style) to 180 screaming and dancing Thai 11year olds.

half way though the second verse i had the thought, "if only mum could see me now..."

love you mum, mmwwwa
charlie

beautiful day

2006-01-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

spent the afternoon arranging a new indoor orchid garden with the Thai lady who manages the guest house we are staying at.

case and i walked in to the guest house, back from our morning english lesson and found the entrance 'hall' full of plastic bags and old newspaper. at first i wondered why the place was such a mess until i realised that the 50 of so pieces of rubbish each cacooned a beautiful orchid plant.

the manager saw my delight and within a few minutes i was bare foot kneeling on the floor beside her, fingers covered in soil. she gave me my own corner of the garden to design and there i made my creation!

i even got a free coke for my efforts.

2006-01-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

i have discovered that life is a river. it will inevitably flow toward the ocean, but for some people the river is very wide and choices can take one a good deal to the left or right. and for some people the river is very narrow, perhaps only a skinny stream. but regradless of the power an privilege a person thinks they have, they can not actually choose their destination.

hayley

2006-01-24T20:51:00.000+08:00

just found out jodi has had their baby. tears still in my eyes. what an incredible moment in time. i'm sure something must happen in the heavens every time a new human life enters this world.

the perfect clean slate.
the endless possibilities.

Hayley Camille Ingham is breaking my heart (though my smile is from ear to ear) and she's only 22 hours old. I love her sooo much.... and i wish like mad i could give her daddy a hug like the one he gave me on his wedding day.

to my beautiful family, i love you all so much.

aunty charlie x

2006-01-15T20:57:00.000+08:00

english lessons start tomorrow!

MaeSot

2006-01-13T20:13:00.000+08:00

OK. We've been here a few days and we're slowly getting our heads around how this place works.

Because of the war in Burma (now Myanmar) thousands of Burmese have fled their homes in fear of the evil Burmese military government, and we've heard some pretty horrific stories that give us clues to the nature of this military. There is a small river between Burma and Thailand that's easy to cross. There are offical checkpoints, but people cross everyday all over the place - mainly for trade.

But the Burmese are not legally allowed in Thailand (or any where else until they manage to get their hands on the ellusive refugee papers). Which is kind of wierd because around 80% of this town are illegal Burmese immigrants. So everyday the police round up truck fulls of Burmese people and arrest them for simply being Burmese and put them in a cage. When the cage is full (only takes a day or two) a truck takes them to the other side of the border where they go to prison for a few more days. The migrant workers generally get released and often end up back in MaeSot within in a few days. If you're involved in anything political (such as promoting democracy of trying to tell the world about the evils of the Burmese military) the danger of being in a Burmese prison escalates dramatically.

So my question to the Thai police (and to the world) is "Well where the heck are the Burmese people suppose to go?" and the answer - the refugee camps. But of course these are full. And they're not free - you have to buy a spot in them. But you have to be living in one to get refugee status which might allow you relocation in another country (say Australia). So if you' re lucky and you know the right people (and you have the cash) you might hear of some poor soul who has given up waiting in
the refugee camps after ten years and you can buy his spot.

well, there's the history lesson. why did i use that word. it's happening right now.

re-reading all that is does sound like a bit of a text book.

what i really want to say is that today just after hubby and i had been planning another part of our 'world tour' i was talking to an 18 yo girl who is a politcal activist fighting for democracy in her counrty. she's scared to leave the house because of where the Thai police might take her. The rest of her family is 'somewhere' in Burma.

we walked past the cage today on the way back to our guest house. i hope none of them are politcal activitists.

2006-01-11T21:23:00.000+08:00

now surrounded by rice paddies and mountains of Mae Sot instead of the pollution and high rise buildings of Bangkok.

the dogs here are having a ball. (not like the ones in Bangkok that just laid around sleeping all day). but yes, they will get eaten, but not by the guys we're staying with - they're all vegetarian.

2006-01-08T19:50:00.000+08:00

great day today. hung out with Ash and Anji Barker at their home in the slum. quite an incredible little community (well actually massive -80 000 people). was actually surprised at how nice and clean the inside of their home was. the outside was more what i had imagined a slum to be... dogs, cats, children running all over the place, open sewers. but it didn't stink (today) and the countless smiling faces gave a cheerful vibe.

listened to a 1hour 20 minute sermon in Thai.

Anji showed me some jewellery that's destined for purchase in australian churches and possibly schools. i inquired to who made it - different groups of people; druggies, refugees, mentally disabled, widows, bar girls... i start to imagine the life implications of this little jewellery business for this motley crew if people in australia will buy it. but is it pretty enough? is it cheap enough? do people in australia actually give a tiniest s*** about some homeless girl they've never met...?

i actually have great faith in the australian consumer. especially the church going australian consumer.

i think of the australian purchasing power like a giant river. capable of smashing, crushing and drowning but also capable of bringing life and sustenance.

just depends if we can steer it in the right direction. can it be steered? i don't know. maybe one drop at a time.

THE ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE GOSPEL

i wonder what paragraph is suppose to come under that heading?

2006-01-06T21:37:00.000+08:00

watched the sun rise over lake joondalup this morning. watched it set over Bangkok airport. was somehow very reassuring.