my free speech

was chatting with a mate about 'why blog' the other day. why do i blog? ummmm... it feels healthy? i have a private written journal as well but there is something very releasing about putting it out there on the vast and lonely world wide web. i suppose it's like writing a speech... even if no one comes to listen it's still a valuable process for the speaker to go through...thinking, organizing and presenting thoughts. they say the best way to learn is to teach, so i'll happily teach, even if i'm the only one learning. like screaming a sermon into the desert. it feels good.

my mate wondered if blogs were about feeding ego's... like 'oh.. i wonder how many comments i got today'. maybe, but i don't think so. i'd rather feed my ego by being good a surfing or being really green or having loads of friends. those things are cool. being good at writing is a bit nerdy.

so i think i can safely say that i don't really mind too much how many people read this stuff. (which is probably a good thing because on the cyberspace map this site is not really a Sydney intersection, more of a Meliden culdesac... yes exactly, you don't even know where that is.) but i do love it when close mates do read it and mention it to me later... especially if it's about spiritually stuff. i guess it's nice to know that people care, or are at least willing to engage with me in soul wonderings.

and i suppose in the back of my head i hope that in 20 years time this blog will still be floating around for me to come back to and read, and remember where we were. who knows, dani might even read it one day?

our friends in Burma literally risk their lives to write their blogs.

http://www.ftub.org/
http://www.angelfire.com/ok/NLD/NLD.html

grandma is here.

yesterday she spent the day surrounded by her daughter's family.

i love her so much.

she has the most infectious chuckle.

we having a party for her 86th birthday on sunday. it's her second birthday party in her life. her first one was her 80th.

think i'll go make her a cake.

airport

about to step into one of those weird momentous occasion that I know will be with me for the rest of my life. in a few minutes i’ll be leaving to pick up my Grandma from the airport. if a journalist was writing an article of this there is so many different angles she could take...

Bushwalking in D'Entrecasteaux

Spent last week bushwalking on the Bibbulmun Track from Inlet River Rd to Walpole on the south coast. Overnighted in three of the track huts; Woolbales, Long Point & Mt Clare. Highlights included wading through flooded track sections (sometimes up to knee deep); running from the rain at long point and climbing Mt Clare through the tingle & karri forest. It was an awesome walk with my two compadres. Watching the landscape change from jarrah forest to coastal dunes back to forest again was fascinating and the plenty of wet sections as well as river/creek crossings kept the walk interesting.
I've definitely whetted my appetite for walking in the region. We skirted the Nuyts Wilderness Area which i think will definitely be worth an exploratory hike sometime in the not too distant future...

"pssssss"

Ever wondered what all the mum’s who can’t afford nappies do to keep themselves and their babies clean?

Before Danika was born Case and I were trying to work out which way to go – cloth or disposable? Both seem quite bad for the environment, both seemed either inconvenient or expensive and I never really felt comfortable with the idea of strapping waste to our beautiful baby girl’s bottom.

Then we stumbled across the concept of ‘Elimination Communication’ or ‘Infant Potty Training’.

Basically when ever we think Danika needs to go to the loo we simply hold her over the potty, and when ever she pees we say ‘psssssss’. Over time she is learning than when ever we hold her in that position and say ‘psssssss’ it is time to pee.

How does it work –

The theory is that whilst babies can’t hold on if they need to go, they can release before they’re busting, so the trick is to catch it before it comes out in a non-controlled way (ie. In their nappy or on you!)

Cues –

For pees the best cue so far seems to be timing. Straight after a feed is guaranteed (with Danika). And then 5 mins later, them 10 mins later then it gets a bit hazy. Sometimes if she’s playing on the mat all happy then does a little grizzle I think she might be telling me she needs to pee, but it’s early days and I’m not certain yet.

For poos, I reckon the smell of her fluffs changes just before she needs to go (they smell more like sweet baby poo) and if I put her on the potty to do a wee and she tightens her hammies it’s a good indicator that she needs a bit longer. Also for the last 2 weeks she’s done one poo everyday at about 11.30.

Generally wees take about 10 seconds and poos take about 10 minutes.

So we’re not completely nappy free yet. She still wears them to bed and when we go out.

Some people have asked if it’s a hassle… not really. Time I spend holding her over the potty is time I would otherwise be spending burping her or talking to her and both of these we do while she’s on the potty anyway. I suppose if the phone rings or I want to sweep the floor or something then it’s a bit of a hassle.

The main advantages are;

· It’s fun! In a way only a mother could understand. I love the way we communicate to one another at such a kinaesthetic level.

· It’s much cleaner for her. Even after poos one little wipe and she’s clean.

· Less nappies. The cloth nappies I use in the day are easy to wash because they usually only have one little pee in them (that Danika did while she was in bed) and we only use disposables when we go out (heaps cheaper). I haven’t washed a pooie bottom or nappy for over six weeks (except this morning when I dropped a clean nappy in a dirty potty!)

Disadvantages;

· Sometimes I turn the heater on more because it’s easier to have her bare bottomed.

· I have to clean out the potty (but I’d much rather clean a dirty potty than a dirty bottom!)

· Sometimes other mothers give me strange looks.

So it’s so far so good at this stage. I’m not sure what will happen when she learns to crawl. As she’s getting older she does seem to be going longer between pees so I’m hoping it’s only going to get easier, but who knows. I expect that early toilet training will be a natural consequence of what we're doing but it's not really about toilet training any more than breast feeding is about weaning.

I’ve read on the internet that some western parents who use this method don’t use any nappies right from the start, but we’re not quite there yet. I’ve heard that some non-western mothers think teaching a baby to use his clothes as a toilet is disgusting and weird.

It’s funny how in the west a baby using a potty is such a novel idea that the method even has it’s own name… “Elimination Communication”. But for over half the babies in the world this is just how they go to the toilet.

individuals?

According to what I’ve been reading Danika doesn’t know she’s separate from the rest of the universe yet, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know what it means to be separate from God. But then listen to Einstein’s thoughts on adults…

Albert Einstein
”A human being is a part of a whole, called by us 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

Maybe this is what Christ meant when he said ‘childlike faith’.

words

Imagine a life without words…

You wouldn’t be able to give and receive instructions.

You wouldn’t be able to talk on the phone or use a computer.

You wouldn’t be able to articulate the specific bits and pieces of your partner that you like of dislike.

You wouldn’t be able to know that Jesus died and rose again.

You wouldn’t be able to label yourself as male or female.

You wouldn’t be able to label anything.

Words use to seem so important… until I met Danika. She has shown me that words really aren’t that important at all. She has no words, but yet she has everything… including the very presence of God. Because without words she can not take herself out of the present moment, and it is of course only within the very present moment that we can be with God.

“What language do you laugh in what language do you cry in what language do you dance in make romance in what language do you make love in or pray to the above in what language are your fears? What language are your tears?” Michael Franti

"do you think she knows she's in a sacred universe?"
"i think that's all she knows."

Birth Recount Two

Here’s an excerpt from my diary on the 25^th April…

‘woke up to the sound of beautiful rain. Beautiful rain inside me… awake! Waters are sort of breaking, clock check – 4.15am

Try to go back to sleep… waiting for the next contraction – have three but can’t sleep – happy, excited, waiting. 5am get up.

Do dishes.

Casey gets up… goes back to sleep.

5.35 he gets up again, comes out dressed… excited too… peaceful happy.

He vacuums the rug while I hold the pool.

He blows up the pool.

He deflates the pool.

The pool has a puncture – small.

Casey patches puncture.

Pool now sits beside me – wilted, like an old blue capsicum.

Now what… wait. So much waiting!!

6.17 sky turns from black to navy.

Watched ANZAC service on TV. I am so glad we are in Australia ;) sniff.

Went to beach… ummm fresh air. Take away brekkie.

Powerderfinger playing on TV ANZAC service. Go aussie!

Casey takes Jarra to park.

Called Jill about 10am.

She came round to check baby heart rate. All good. She leaves her little machine so we can keep checking it though out the day.

12am Krissy and Jenna come around to pick up their shoes. I go to Ocean Reef Marina with them to walk up and down the big steps – lets get these contractions cranking. It works. The first contraction hits as I’m saying good-bye to them – 1pm.

2pm (handwriting getting messy)

Starting to zone out when they hit their peak – but that bit only last for a few seconds. Seem to be coming every few minutes.’

That’s where my journal entry for the 25^th April finishes… I’ll fill you in on the rest.

Jill (the midwife) came round about 3pm. Tam (the doula) came round not long after.

The only position I wanted to be in was on my knees leaning forward. By about 5pm I my back was getting really sore and I felt like I couldn’t hold this position much longer so we fill up the pool. Arrrrrrr…. I sink in… sooo good.

I’m facing Casey most of the time. He’s sitting in a fit ball leaning forward looking at me. He’s so strong and reassuring. I know he has great faith in me. (Verse One of poem.) The contraction are strong but I am amazed at how they completely disappear so I can rest. I also manage to find a moment of stillness in between each breath even when the contractions are happening.

As the contractions get stronger I start to feel overwhelmed (Verse Two). I turn to Tam and realise that she has given birth to four children. I am so impressed that women all over the world can do this. This is probably the most uncomfortable part of the labour for me. Jill asks if I want an internal but I decline… what if I’m only 3cm dilated? I can only deal with the very present moment.

Finally the pushing stage. Once I got the hang of it this stage was actually quite good. Incredibly intense and painful but there was actually so many feelings happening all at once, that it was easy to ignore the pain. And I soon figured out that the harder I pushed the more Danika’s head seemed to numb everything. And there was that – I could now feel her head!

Large parts of my brain definitely shut down (and are only just slowly coming back to me). I remember the midwife asking me to move forward in the pool so she could see better, but I had no idea what she meant. I remember thinking that I hoped she didn’t think I was being rude ignoring her, but I just couldn’t compute the instruction.

The midwife thought she could see black hair… a little bit more of it poked out with every contraction. Casey could see her. I planned on gently ‘breathing’ her out at this stage so I wouldn’t tear, but that hurt too much so I just pushed with all my might… and out she popped!

Casey caught her and she opened her eyes underwater. Her cord was wrapped like a scarf under her arms and around the back of her neck, not dangerous but it made passing her to me a little awkward. I was on the biggest high of my life. She had a feed whilst on my chest and then Casey cut the cord.

Danika Moana Anne Ellery was born at 9.55pm weighing 3.9kg (8 lbs 10 oz).

Overall the birth a positive and absolutely incredible experience.

ok... it's been 9 days.
i think i'm ready to try and put words to the most incredible experience of my life so far... the birth of Danika.

the first post is kind of a recount of the birth experience from my perspective, the second post is a recount from how the rest of the world would have seen it.