Monday, October 03, 2005

the last idol

i want to be super successful.

i want to have a significant, productive, important life.

i don't want to waste time doing usless things.

and i want other people to know that i am living a super successful, significant, productive, important life.

fortunately for me i know god and god knows everything, so god knows what i need to do to be super successful, significant, productive and important. so if i just ask hard enough and just behave well enough he'll tell me right?

so i pray. every night i pray.
'Dear God, what do you want me to do? Should i work here? Should i live there? Should i travel? ' words, questions run through my head, and i have a good imagination, which means there's always lots of options, lots of questions, lots of things to decide. this, that or the other... which will lead to the most success?

and then i stop and i wait...

and you know in the last 12 months i don't think i've been given one single answer.

i wait for a nice logical answer to my questions to come forth.... i wait...
and (as it did the night before and the night before that) my awareness moves from my head to my heart. i take a deep breathe as i become aware of christ's presence in me. tears come to my eyes and i am humbled by his consuming love. i rest in his love. i am refreshed. revived and i come back to life.

but no answer.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I dream of that perfect life. Of living a life that moves outside the walls of 'normal'. I seem to worry so much about having an above average life I run away from the things that make my life incredible.
I have incredible friends, i have been blessed with an amazing family, and above all I have God in my life. I ask ,what about all that is just average? Wow! I think I just answered my own question. Thank you Lord