today is the last day i am a member of whitford church
today is the last day i am a 'leader'

new years eve - the day of reflection.

i have been a member of Whitford Church for 17 years. the first service we attended was in the shopping centre. i sat and listened to the strange new songs in about the spot which is now the chocolate isle. we became members in the first service in the 'new' building. i was baptised in the baptistery in year 4. my first 'ministry' was operating the overhead projector which i was quite bad at and always used to put the transparencies on upside-down.

i have been an usher, a car park attendent, a cafe helper, a small group leader, a children's church worker, a counsellor, a mentor, a mentee, a chicks surfie girls leader, a 'communion' preparer, a singer, a 'my story' organiser, a food hamper maker and deliverer, a Forest Edge (Fire-it-up) attender and leader, a women's ministry leader and a highschools worker. i canoed the blackwood river on a year 10 camp. i went on family camps to point peron and completed Discipleship Training School.

the first youth pastor was Kent Keller (but i wasn't allowed to go to youth because i was too young), then Phil Croot (finally ... i'm old enough), Scott Vawser, Glenn Bergsma, Matt Bartlett, Lauren Carroll and now Nick Martin.

i have made countless friends and received endless words of encouragement. i have 'back - sliden' and 'recomitted' to what i thought was Christianity countless times. i have wondered if i am a Christian because of whitford church or inspite of it. i would have sat through around 2200 sermons and sang over 10 000 songs.

so on december 31 2005, i would like to say a big huge thank-you to everyone who has invested into my life through the meeting place of whitford church. you're words of wisdom and encouragement, your music notes and prayers have not fallen on deaf ears. for better of for worse i have loved this church and i will only speak in the highest regards of you all.

good-bye x
charlie

Boxing Day

just done an online ESL teaching unit with casey. been wondering exactly why we're going away in 11 days - not exatly sure. which is making the mental preparation a bit vague. i think i'm going to take the attitude of a student - with the good earth as my school. the temptation of this may be that i'm scared of truely engage with my and others humanity. it's easier , safer, less draining to study, watch and observe... but somehow this seems lazy? but i don't want to offend or impose so i'll just observe... hmmmm??

the tired part of me likes this idea - but the alive part of me wants to engage, care, lock horns with the people we'll met and the places we'll go. is that arrogance? i could use that very question as i cop out for when i'm scared and self centred.

God, who knows, only you. i can't even imagine what's about to hit us. one day at a time. one moment. breathe...

There were four women.

The first was prostitute and criminal.
The second pretended to be a prostitute to seduce her dead husband’s father because she was so desperate to have a kid.
The third woman tried to seduce a drunk rich guy to allure him into a marriage she desperately needed.
And the fourth was a pregnant unmarried 13 year old.

So who are this scandalous group of women…

They are the four women mentioned by name in the genealogy of Christ. (Matthew 1)
Tamar (Genesis 38), Rahab (Joshua 2 and 6) Ruth and Mary.

I’m sure there’s a point to this. Not sure what it is yet.

i sit down to write
i bring myself to this present moment
deep sigh……………
it was the kiddies last day yesterday
lots of tears, lots of hugs, logs of cards.
“you’re the best teacher i’ve ever had.”
i know they say that every year, but they mean it every year too, so i believe them.
“you were the best class i’ve ever had”

a years emotion in one day.
and then…. relief.
wasn’t really expecting that – relief?

slept all night last night for the first time in weeks…aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr
life is good. it hurts, but it’s good.

in a strange and lonely world tonight. the rug is being ripped out from under me. my eyes are wide searching for a focus. i have 3 days left with my school kiddies, and then the persona of 'Mrs Ellery' loses all practical meaning. i've had 7 injections in 8 days... who knows what strange creatures swim through my blood. perhaps it's them that give me butterflies at the thought of cleaning the house, perhaps it's them that knots up my back in moments of peace, perhaps it's them that spin my thoughts through out the night and send charges of unnecessary adrenaline through my body. each day holds the emotions of a month.

Dear Lord,

I hold onto you - you are my only hope.

You are the order of the Earth

The logic of the seasons.

The rhythm of night and day.

The mathematics of my breath.