preggas :)

i am pregnant

tear...
smile...
breathe...

i am a walking miracle.
God is moving inside me...
forming, moving, creating
right now as i sit at this computer.

i have never been so aware of how miraculous i am. my body takes bits of carrot and spinach and turns them into retinas and brain cells. i am smarter than einstien's conscious knowledge. i am more creative than van gogh. i have never felt so amazing, so proud, so clever, so powerful.

but at the same time...
i have absolutley no idea what's going on. i feel completely out of control. my body is doing the wierdest things with no consultation of my conscious brain what so ever. there's an alien living inside me leeching me of vitamins, minerals, calcium, and if i don't sleep enough it feels like it's leeching the living day lights out of me. the pain of labour looms like a time bomb. i have never felt so lost, so out of control, so completely powerless.

and somehow in the paradox of power and surrender is the most beautiful thing we have ever done.