the hard way

as some of you know i've recently been trying to shake of the evil tenticles of fast pace consumeristic style living.

did a bit of gardening last week. (thought i'd surprise the hubby with a new backyard when he got back from walpole.)

so i made my plans, set my goals, visualised the finished product, rolled up my sleeves and got cracking.

i was half way through clearing a patch of earth. i was quite proud of the rate i was working. i reached down and pulled out a weed and was about to chuck it in the bin when something in my spirit twigged.

i think god whispered 'stop'. i stopped.

i looked at the small green weed in my finger tips. it had white roots, three green leaves and a green stem. the bit where the roots turned into stem was all sorts of beautiful green colours. i paused for a few seconds and thought about how this little plant could suck up water from the ground. it was connected to the energy that sustains life. it could even use sunlight to photosynthesize and make chlorophyll that made it green. i was holding a little miracle. i gave the weed a little portion of respect and then placed it in the bucket.

that week turned into a big long "quiet time". as i cleared, planted, watered and patted the earth i felt god. it was light, fresh and happy. i somehow could see god all over the place, i didn't have to try, it was just so obvious.

and then sunday came. i kindoff wanted to keep gardening but i decided to go to 6pm church. at church i focused on the speakers, i leaned forward and furrowed by brow, i sang songs and forced my self to concentrate on the words. i couldn't feel god very much so i tried harder. i 'pressed in'. i tried to block out everything around me and just focus on god. i could hear someone up the front encouraging me "break through, don't let your self be distracted, press in to god's majesty".

i looked up at the painted ceiling and the dimmed electric lights. it occured to me that if there was no ceiling god's majesty would be undeniably obvious in the stars above and this whole process of worship could be much easier, in fact looking up at the stars might even make a heart of worship inescapable.

but i stayed standing next to my seat (i even went up the front for a bit) i kept trying and by gods grace i did manage to push through all the distractions and i eventually connected with him. i had persevered and i had worshiped. i left with a headache.



please do not interpret this blog as an critism of church services. i have no doubt that many people were blessed by that service (as i indeed eventually was). i'm just saying that maybe we sometimes do things the hard way. - charlie